Deeper connections

In 2012, my husband decided to foster a sibling group of 3 children. We already had 1 biological child so overnight we went from a family of 3 to a family of 6. We knew we were deeply committed to the kids and we decided to adopt them. About a year after the adoption, I was at probably my lowest point as a parent. I realized that my dream for what parenting would be did not match at all to the realities of my day to day. I was frustrated that the way I “had” to parent wasn’t the kind of parent I wanted to be.

The kids, because of developmental challenges from their history, needed a ton of support and they were having incredibly intense emotional outbursts on a daily basis. With two parents who were “experts” in working with challenging kids, who knew all the “right” approaches, we still struggled. The turning point for me was in about 2016 when I became cognizant of my own discontent and started to seek out support, information and other strategies. I still have moments where I have some doubt or resentment about some of the issues that come up within my family dynamic.

No family is perfect, but the key difference now is that those moments of anger are fleeting and not a continuous state of being. I also know that whatever comes up, I will be able to handle it.

Starting in 2020, as a school based OT, I got to connect with families in a new, deeper and much more personal way. After a virtual  session, I would stay in a meeting talking to the parent after the child was done and just listen to them. We began brainstorming and it was magical. Parents were understanding their kid’s behavior differently. They began tapping into their own resourcefulness and found strategies that worked in their own home rhythms. The weight of their day to day was lifting. I discovered that I find working with parents incredibly rewarding.